Life isn't what I expected

I always dreamed of something different than what i was surrounded by. I felt there had to be more to life than money and work and politics. I am not programed to be happy in the same way that other people are. I would rather be naked in the woods than... anything really. I dream of my warm skin touching silken petals and rough branches and cool wet streams. What do other people dream about I often wonder... I have learned that many people don't dream. They keep their eyes open and accept what is in front of them. I could never have imagined my dreams would lead me to where I am now. I live with my fiance, two room mates, my two dogs, one cat, and five chickens. We grow medical marijuana and blow glass. This seems normal to me now, i know there are a lot of people doing the same things for many similar and different reasons. I feel So Much guilt for being happy, for not checking in from 9 to 5 at some company, for sleeping with this man im not yet married to. I am guilty for the beautiful dresses. I feel guilty for not curling my hair, not wearing makeup, and frankly i havent been wearing a bra or panties much either. But none of those things matter. If i leave this earth tonight, is that what people will remember? My guilt? I dont think so... I think they will remember my cooking, my loud laughing, maybe even my gross jokes. How did i get to this point? Should i be ashamed of my joint rolling skills? I should be thinner... Smarter... Richer.... I feel ashamed that i am comfortable being poor, ashamed that i would rather curl up with my puppy and read a book than go out on the town in hot shoes and drink expensive drinks in small shining glasses. But shouldnt we all be different? If we were all the same we couldnt fit together... Why do i feel so guilty for being different? For surviving comfortably following my own ideals... I feel like my partner can't possibly love me, i am everything they taught us not to be in school. I dont care about modesty, or sensorship. I don't believe in following the government based on laws i didn't help write and dont believe in. I don't believe in caging criminals. I dont believe in paying taxes that will buy the sheriff a new hummer and pave another road where a field used to be. I don't beleive in raising minimum wage, i think everyone, including children, should be able to work for whatever they think their time is worth. I am exactly what they told us in school not to be, i was the kid parents warned their children about. And I survive. I have everything i could want as far as possesions, i have a man who lives to see me smile, i have obedient and happy animals living with me, and a family that continues to lend me their support. So why am i so filled with shame and guilt? And what is so different from me and those against me, do we not all dream of happiness? Am i the only one dreaming anymore?